Someone once told me that people don't care how much effort I put into wrapping their gifts. I think that sometimes that's true, but sometimes the wrapping makes all the difference. Regardless, I just love to wrap!  I like to think of wrapping simply as a vessel of some sort in which to carry the actual gift. Lately I've been on a craft paper kick, but for this past weekend I branched out a little. Both gifts consisted of gift cards as well as huge birthday cards created by our little one. How does one package huge finger painted birthday cards? In huge white envelopes! Adorn with decorative tape and a topper of some kind, and you're good to go. 

As much as I love our current house, I can't wait for the next one in which I hope to have an amazing gift wrapping room with all the fixins. Anyway, time to wrap it up! I was just thinking about wrapping and wanted to share...

♥
Hayley Sara

This weekend marked our daughter's 2nd birthday!  She and her cousin were born 10 years and 2 days apart, so it only makes sense that we throw a big family party to celebrate both of their special days.  

The weather was great, and with the exception of having to throw away a failed cake attempt, everything went swimmingly.  The plan was to make 6 small cute cakes, however, the universe had different plans.  I ended up creating a cake for each birthday girl, and a larger cake for the masses.  Nobody complained, so it was a success in my books!  You may have seen my pin for the scalloped icing technique that I had planned to try for this occasion.  After some practice I ended up getting the hang of it, and decided to continue it onto the top of the cake as well, leading into a flower of sorts in the middle.  I'm happy with how it turned out, but I'm thinking with a little bit more practice it will become one of my go-to techniques.  I also wasted a bunch of time crafting pom poms out of tissue paper which at the time, I felt was a very unfortunate decision.  However, after seeing the final product I'd probably go for it again.  A very fun day indeed!

To learn about the grilled pizza check out Rick's entry in FOOD.


♥
Hayley Sara

What IS that accent??? Jamaican, apparently.  Whodathunk. I’m speaking of course of Canadian TV treasure Gail Vaz-Oxlade.  Gail has had multiple ‘money matters’ shows including ‘Til Debt Due us Part’, ‘Princess’, and the newest installation – ‘Money Moron’.  I love them all!

Gail’s teachings are focused simply around a balanced financial life and learning to spend according to what you make while saving for the future.  Her preferred method of getting people on track financially is to use a jar & journal system; the money that you’ll need for the week is split up into jars ranging from transportation to gifts to food and you write down everything you spend.  The purpose is two-fold: 1. By writing down every penny you spend, you can see where your money is going and 2. By writing down every penny you spend you become incredibly aware of how costly and ridiculous some of your habits are.  I love the concept of this system, but we stray a bit because we currently have a credit card that allows us to accumulate travel points.  Therefore, we are on a strictly credit card only diet – no cash allowed.  It’s a little tricky because we have to make sure the balance is paid constantly so that no interest accrues – the only way to make the points worth it.

I knew this day would come, but mental preparation hasn't softened the sting. This weekend will forever be remembered by us as the weekend that should have been welcoming a new babe into this world and introducing Poppy to her precious little brother. 29 weeks ago I had a miscarriage. 30 weeks ago I was carrying around a new life inside of me. A new life that we were so excited for, so ready to embrace. The miscarriage isn't something I talk about frequently (with exception of a few amazing people who helped me through) and that's actually something I'm a bit ashamed of. The topic of miscarriage is so taboo and it shouldn't be, but I don't really help the cause. Truth is, still now sitting here 7 some odd months later, I truly can't talk about it without crying. So, instead of taking, I'm going to try writing. 

We'd been very lucky in conceiving both times. We decided we wanted to have a a baby, and I was pregnant that same month - easy peasy. When I was 11 weeks along with baby #2, I'd experienced an ultrasound with a strong heartbeat and a clear-as-day picture of our new little one.  Then suddenly one day I got sick. I had a flu that completely knocked me out. I remember going to various doctors so sick I could hardly move, and my only question to them was 'Will the baby be okay?' They reassured me and sent me on my way. When I started to have some spotting, they reassured me and sent me on my way. When I started to experience some actual bleeding, we waited all night in the emergency room being told 'If you're miscarrying, there's nothing we can do'. In other words, just sit out there while your baby dies and maybe we'll help with the aftermath.

I never did see a doctor that night, nor did I miscarry. The bleeding slowed and I thought it might just be okay. I went to the doctor that next morning and had an ultrasound that showed a healthy heartbeat and a lovely, dancing baby. I will never forget. The next morning I woke to find the bleeding had started again so back to the hospital we went. This time I was admitted and the ER doctor did another ultrasound bedside. The baby was still healthy 'This is the best case scenario' he said. 'Okay, so what do I do now?' His answer? 'Hey, just go live your life!' Really? A little hard to do when you're bleeding all over the place fighting with all you have to hang on to your baby, knowing full well the choice isn't yours to make.  That night- 4 am- I woke up with horrible cramps and bleeding like I'd never experienced. Screaming for my husband I panicked in the washroom while I tried desperately to fool myself into believing this wasn't really happening. I miscarried the baby at home, I know exactly when it happened. You just know. The ambulance took me to the hospital where I naturally completed miscarrying during the following hours and that was it. One minute I was 3 months pregnant and the next I was nothing. Gone- just like that. Anyone who thinks that a mother has not yet bonded with her child during those first months is completely and utterly incorrect. I cried everyday for months.

I went back to work a few days later where only my boss and a colleague knew the real reason I'd been away, to everyone else I'd just had the flu. The most traumatic event of my life had just occurred and I was 'Okay- just a bad case of the flu'. No sympathy, no bereavement, just 30% less pay for the 'sick days' I'd used up.  

Devastated, we moved on with our lives, focusing on our daughter, trying casually to get pregnant again. 'If I can just be pregnant by the due date...' I would say to myself '...everything will be okay'. But month after month, sure I was pregnant, the universe failed me and I would find myself bitter, sad, and angry when it was not to be.

So here I am today on what was meant to be the birthday of our second born. 7 months of trying and failing, 7 months if obsessing, 7 months of keeping quiet. It's time to really move forward.

Tonight we took the crib out of our daughters room. The crib that was waiting for her sibling. She was so excited to turn on her twilight turtle and sleep in her big girl bed that has been waiting in her room for her since I found out I was pregnant all those months ago. As Rick and I sat there on her big girl bed reading her bedtime story, I looked around the crib-less room and realized how good it looked and how right it felt. I know in my heart that right now, exactly as we are is how we're meant to be. I have to stop trying to control the uncontrollable and learn to experience and love what is right now- in this moment. Whatever is meant to come will come.

So as I lay here now writing this with an ultrasound  picture of the love that we lost on my right, and a blurry night vision view of the love of our lives on my left sleeping soundly in her big girl bed, I'm committed to moving forward and taking things as they come. This is a hard day for me, and that's okay. Tomorrow is a new day.
♥
Hayley Sara